Nicaragua 2011!

            "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”  I've learned a greater understanding and apprecaition for this verse after going to Nicaragua and coming back.  I expected to pour myself out and serve while I was over there because I knew I was going to be in the mission field.  As soon as I got back home though, I know that God was quick to tell me that the mission field isn't just far away, but very close to home.  Because our love in this wolrd is shown by us being like Jesus, the mission field is wherever we are at the moment.

            That being said, mission trips are only a shadow of how we should be living day to day.  It's going to be a challenge to try and describe to you the depths of this trip.  I know I will continue to process it for a long time, but for now I can tell you what stood out most.  Here is a story of my journey to Nicaragua.

So much love.  So much service.

            Leading up to the trip I was given so much encouragement from past team members.  They were so excited for everything I was about to experience it was almost strange to me.  As many stories as you hear, you can't truly understand a place or thing until you experience it.  Suffice it to say that all the joyful stories were true and I grew closer to a family, to a bunch of children, and to a people than I have ever been before, and only in the span of a few days.  The reason our entire team has so much enduring affection and love for these people now is because we experienced the enduring affection and love they had for us from the very first moment we stepped off the bus to the final moments when we gazed out the bus windows as it rolled away.  Pastor Omar and his family love Jesus.  They abide in that love, and that love poured over us.

            For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.  [Galatians 5:13-15]

            These are the banner verses of the trip to me.  When we live our lives in competition with one another, we get burned out, frustrated, and we live a life marked by fatigue and bitter failures.  When we live our lives our of love and service to our neighbors, we receive the blessings of a humble spirit that looks to another's needs before our own, and every time we bless another that blessing is returned to us.  It's a life marked by rest and fulfillment.  I was blessed this trip to be poured out in love and service, finding that every morning I awoke sleep-depraved but spiritually rested and excited to be poured out again.  Thank you Jesus.

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

            The second greatest command flows out of the first, to love the Lord your God will all your heart, mind, and strength.  Such an immense love for the Lord causes us to look to our neighbors and love them like Christ commands us.  Our service is born out of love, not obedience, and that's precisely how it endures even through struggle.

            Pastor Omar was a great inspiration and encouragement to me over the trip.  He loved us so dearly that one of the first things he said to us was that he felt his family was growing bigger each day.  Omar is a devoted husband and father, passionate preacher, and hard worker.  His vision for his church extends decades into the future, and it's a place for hope and healing, a light to the community.  We were blessed to help in the construction of an actual church building (right now it's only an alumninum roof on some steel columns).  Last year's team started digging a ditch to support the four walls of the church.  We continue that work this year, finishing the ditch for all but the front wall.

            There was a moment on the first day we were digging when Pastor Omar came over to watch us.  As I attempted to dig even more intesely in his presence, he leaned over and offered his hand to me.  Before I knew it he had pulled me out of the ditch, taken my shovel, and was continuing where I had been working.  At first I thought he was going to show me something I was doing wrong, or put my measley efforts to shame by doing a much better job than I could.  My first reaction was to figure out what I could do better, but that wasn't Omar's intention at all.  Instead of rebuking me, he was showing me mercy!  He was carrying out the gospel by serving me, his neighbor.  He saw that I was getting tired and took it upon himself to stand in my place.  Although he didn't have to serve us in many of the ways he did, Pastor Omar resembled Jesus as he poured himself out to serve us with as much energy and love as possible!

The Lord provides.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.

He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.

            [Psalm 37:4-6]

            It's important that we don't misunderstand or misuse this passage.  These desires that occur when we truly delight ourselves in the Lord are spiritual desires, which the Lord supplies joyfully.  When we do not delight in the Lord, and when we seek to only serve our sinful desires, the Lord lets us do what we want [Romans 1:24, 28-30].  Delight in the Lord satisfies the desires of all things.  Nothing else satisfies like the Lord.  I love how I see that's true for my own life.

            Before I spend too much time in vaugeness, let me elaborate on my personal story.  I have expereinced my passion for engineering fade to the cracks of my life as my passion for ministry grows.  I feel today a sense of urgency and responsibility to share the great love of the Lord.  God has provided me day after day with opportunities to do so!  I've found that God has used me most in the areas of encouraging others and teaching (or just expressing what God is teaching me!) when He allows me to.  I count myself very blessed to share in carrying out the Gospel this way.

            Tuesday in Nicaragua, Adam approached me early in the afternoon to give me the opportunity to give a message to the church that night.  Excitedly I accepted the offer and began to think about what I might share.  Naturally, I felt it would be a great thing to speak a message of encouragement over my team, Pastor Omar, and the church family.  I do believe that goal was achieved, and if nothing else, I was immensely encouraged to be afforded the opportunity.  I love being able to stand before a group and share my heart!  It really is hard for me to express how meaningful this was to me.  It was totally the Lord giving me the desire of my heart.  What a beautiful and gracious thing!

Beautiful LOVE

            God's creation is absolutely beautiful and the second greatest expression of love there ever was.  God himself is the greatest expression of love, and it overwhlems me to think that He has gave us His very Son and Spirit.  The Son, so that we may know the Father.  The Spirit, so that we may know the Son and discern the Lord's Spirit.

            I saw God's service in Pastor Omar and his family, as they desired to make us feel welcome and comfortable.  It was Jesus's love being made perfect in them.

            I saw God's love in the family and children that surrounded us, who had just a joy and hope for life.  A dependent hope that assures us of our salvation.

            I saw God's vastness in the ocean, as the breaking waves rushed toward me and were drawn back again under that immense sky.

            I saw God's love for His church, who He has graciously called and mercifully sustained to preach the His Gospel and proclaim His name to all people.  I saw my team take up their joy in this service.

            I saw God from my hammock where I slept, from the river where I bathed, and from the truck where we were tossed by every bump.

            I saw God sustaining His people.  He loves us and He loves to show us how He is more than enough for us.

Continuing the Mission.  Living the Ministry.

            After getting back home, I woke up Sunday morning and heard a word from the Lord.  "This is your mission field.  Your ministry is here."  A mission trip is a symbol, a taste of what life can look like every day.  God, in His cleverness, blesses us with the opportunity to go on these trips in order to show us true service that can endure in any place if it's sustained by Him.  A more difficult choice than choosing to go on a mission trip is choosing to continue the mission back home.  Will we choose to live out the Gospel in ministry?

            I have been encouraged since we've returned to see how God is laying before me opportunities to serve Him.  I also feel an urgency to seek out opportunities to do the same.  I am certain He will provide and excited at the prospect of knowing Him better and serving Him with more of me.  Step by step I will become the man I was created to be. 

The All-Satisfying Beauty

             How do we most often engage beauty?  We gaze upon it, engaging ourselves as closely as we can to its beauty.  Despite our affections, the things that we call most beautiful often cannot engage us.  Does a sunset ever turn to gaze upon you?  Does the Grand Canyon take notice of your presence?

             “We have been mere spectators.  Beauty has smiled, but not to welcome us; her face was turned in our direction, but not to see us.” [C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory]

            Our desire for beauty can lead us to the ends of the earth to find what we may call truly beautiful.  It may take us to the ends of ourselves, exhausting our souls in the pursuit of what is truly beautiful and all-satisfying.  The end is this:  if we do not find something that also engages us, our most treasured ‘beauty’ will fade, if not in itself, then in our perception of it.

            Put this to the test:  Every sunset fades to darkness.  The beauty of the Grand Canyon will fade in our perception the longer we gaze upon it.  We are always hungry and searching for more.  What thing has left you all-satisfied?  I believe that the answer to this question must be something that can also be satisfied in you.

            A wondrous quality of life is that it’s deeply engaging.  From a baby’s first cry to a person’s final words, life is reaching out to other life.  People inflict great joy upon those around them.  They also inflict great pain.  The path of every life will be greatly shaped by their interactions and perceptions of other people.  This is a beautiful thing, but it is not all-satisfying.  Each failure and flaw we see in ourselves and others leaves us wondering what could right those wrongs.  We may spend our lives desperately searching to bring change, be change, or ignore the weaknesses.  Still, there is so much pain and suffering in the world.

            Some may argue that knowledge and its pursuit is a satisfying and worthy endeavor.  Ultimately it is not all-satisfying because knowledge and truth has a strange quality of being rejected even when it is offered innocently.  Galileo was accused a heretic for his belief and defense of heliocentricity (the state of the sun being the center of this solar system, around which all the planets revolve).  Certainly he was not all-satisfied by his discovery in light of the oppression and punishment it bore him.  Neither could his objectors be all-satisfied with their zealous objection because it was proved false!

            As for the noble pursuit of knowledge, that road is found to be less than all-satisfying, as it is populated by many challenges and discouragements.  Consider philosophy, the observational and contemplative pursuit of truth and knowledge.  Looking inward and outward, the philosopher must scrutinize and provoke what he already knows intrinsically.  What will he find?  Amidst the fond and pleasurable thoughts will also lay the realization that every evil act of man must be rooted in something deeper than mere conduct.  Behind every action lies a motive and those motives are what show us our deepest desires.  To know that there is evil in the heart of man is a discouraging thing if our pursuit of knowledge is an end to itself.  How can we be all-satisfied with ourselves if we learn that we are also victim to less than virtuous motives?  One must either accept the ‘burden’ of knowledge, or trade his pursuit for more trivial things, or pursue to reconcile every evil with something that is truly all-satisfying.

            By examining the created beauty and the human state, it seems that anything all-satisfying must have at least two important qualities to it.  It must first be able to engage us as we engage it.  It also must be able to reconcile our faults, so we may be found guiltless in its sight.  Imagine you are a lowly criminal standing in the presence of a king who has just pardoned you of all guilt so that you may join him at his dining table.  That is a beautiful scene! 

            True beauty is found in the Creator, who gives and sustains life to all creation.  This Creator is all-satisfied by expressing and making known the weight of all His glory.  We are found to be truly beautiful and all-satisfied in Him alone.  In the arms of His love and mercy we are told that we were created to live wholly satisfied lives in His presence.  In the grip of His grace He makes us whole again, righting us of every wrong.  “Come now, let’s settle this,” says the Lord.  “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them white as snow.”

            This is an impossible thing to grasp in its fullness, at least as long as we may be sustained on earth.  “I still have many things to reveal to you,” Jesus says to His disciples, “but you cannot bear them now.  When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth.  He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you.  All that the Father has is mine; therefore I said that he will take what is mine and declare it to you.”

            All that is the Father’s is the Son’s, is the Spirit’s, is ours also.  By the Spirit, we learn of the Son, who is the image of the Father.  This is the all-satisfying beauty!

Small Rebellions – Simple Random Acts of Kindness

Easy question:  Are we called to be the hands and feet of Jesus?  Yes.

Hard question:  How do we live so that we are Jesus’s hands and feet?  Hmmm…

Byron

            So this morning I got up early to go meet some guys at the Hastings coffee shop to talk about life and how God is involved in it.  It’s always a great way to start a Thursday, but it wasn’t until I was in the car driving that I had the sense to check my phone to see if anyone was actually going.  After reading a few texts I soon learned that I wasn’t going to be meeting any of the usual people this morning – thankfully these meetings are also with the Lord, so I went to Hastings anyway.  On the way I said something offhand – “God show up to meet with me this morning.”

            I pulled into the parking spot and hung out in the car for a bit.  I couldn’t decide if I was going to go in or just stay in the car.  There was a strange thing on my mind that I should go find an ATM to grab some cash and then go inside.  It was on my heart that the money was to bless someone – maybe the barista, who I have seen many mornings, but have rarely had a conversation with.  The thought of pulling out more money just to give it away was hard for me (I was thinking about all the other things I had planned for my limited resources).  It became clear that I was either going to hold on selfishly to the money or I was going to step out in faith and see what God was doing.  I prayed to have the faith and eyes to follow through.

            After I pulled out a little cash I headed inside the coffee shop.  The barista I was familiar with was not there – it was just me and this girl I have never seen before.  “Strange,” I thought.  I fully expected to use the money to give a generous tip to the lady I was familiar with, hopefully sparking a good conversation.  Maybe that’s presumptuous of me, but that was my idea of God’s will.  A bit confused, I ordered a coffee and left her a nice tip, but nothing like I anticipated.  I don’t know why I held onto the money in that moment, but it became clear in the next few moments.  As I sat down to read the book “The Hole in Our Gospel” by Richard Stearns, another man walked into the coffee shop.  He wandered over to the barista and asked if she could spare a glass of milk.  She kindly obliged.  His name is Byron.

            I wondered if I should go offer to buy him something to eat.  I continued reading, trying to put it out of my mind.  I read my book, reading about how we rarely step out enough to help the needy.  I was convicted and began to think about reaching out to this man.  I tried to put it out my mind again and kept reading.  Then Byron got up and left the coffee shop.

            I followed behind and caught up with this man in the parking lot.  “Can I buy you something else to eat or drink?”  Surprised, he looked at me and nodded.  “I’m Byron.”

            “What’s the budget?” was the next thing he said as his eyes scanned the display.  This is what that money I pulled out of the ATM was for.  “Whatever you want,” I responded.  He ordered two sandwiches and then we sat down to what turned out to be an hour long conversation between two strangers.

            I have my own ideas about what people in need will say in order to satisfy that need.  It’s almost instinctual I think.  Byron bowed over his sandwich to pray.  “Is this sincere?” I thought.  I am very sad that I would even think such a thing, but I did.  [Lord, purify my heart so that I would see you instead of doubting you.]  I sipped my coffee wondering what our conversation would be about.

            Byron is a man thirty years old, without a job.  He got up early this morning to wait for stores to open so he could be the first to ask if they were accepting applications.  He is a self-professed ‘neat freak’ who makes sure that he has a clean body and clean clothes, even when it’s a struggle to make those things happen.  I am a twenty-two year old college rich kid who quit his job so he could have more time to do and seek other things.  I come home to a house that I can pay rent for easily.  I have a warm shower every morning before I go out and spend much more money in a day than most families spend to support themselves each day.  I am filthy rich.  You probably are too.

            Byron talked about how the news only reports bad news, with perpetuates bad news.  I agreed.  He talked about how even though he wishes he didn’t have to struggle, he’s grateful that there is suffering because it creates desperate situations where people have to seek change.  I wanted to say that it was the Lord who brings change, but he beat me to it.  He talked about how he goes to a church where people say they love him, but he is looked down upon by other church goers.  I tried to think of a way to say that there are many hypocrites and to an extent we are all hypocritical at time, but he understood that.  He told me that his favorite book of the Bible is Ecclesiastes.  Wow, rip out my heart why don’t you Byron.  When I sit and read Ecclesiastes, I see many things but I’m sure I don’t understand the futileness of this life as much as you do simply because I haven’t suffered as much.  We talked about more things.  Like birds and flowers.  He shared with me that he thinks that humanity is like a flower bed, and although we may be different colors we are equally beautiful in the eyes of the Creator.  I reassured him as best as I could that if God cares so much for the birds and flowers, He certainly cares more for us [Matthew 6].  Byron knew that passage in his heart [John 1:9].

            After awhile, I prayed for us, but especially for Byron.  He looked into my eyes afterwards with a sincerity that shut up every preconceived doubt that he would say to get something more out of me.  He was seeking exactly what I’m seeking:  peace and love enough to know that we are provided for by our great God.  He didn’t ask for anything.  I thought about how blessed I am in every moment.

The Beatitudes Revisited

Christ has no body on earth but yours,

no hands but yours,

no feet but yours.

Yours are the eyes through which

Christ’s compassion for the world is to look out;

Yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good;

and yours are the hands with which He is to bless us now.

– Saint Teresa of Avila

This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement:  In this world we are like Jesus.

– 1 John 4:17

            Have you thought about Jesus’s words to His disciples when he says “You will do the same works that I have done, but you will also do greater works.”  By your own power, you will do nothing near as great as Jesus has done.  By the power of the Spirit, you will be Jesus to the world.

            “Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all other things will follow.”  When I sat this morning wondering if I should go talk to this stranger, it was the Spirit prompting me to do so.  As the Spirit tried to lead me, I tried to push back and stay in my own ways.  This is a daily struggle in every area of our lives.  All I can say now is that I am so thankful the Spirit was strong enough this morning to push me out of my comfort zone, so that I could be used by Jesus.

            If we are meant to be like Jesus to the world, then how do we do this practically?  Let’s rephrase the Beatitudes from Matthew 5 a bit and see what they could mean for us.

And Jesus taught His followers, saying:

Seek out the poor in spirit, to show them that the kingdom of heaven is theirs.

Seek to comfort those who mourn.

Be like the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Hunger and thirst for righteousness, and you shall be satisfied.

Be merciful, and you will be shown mercy.

Pray for a pure heart, for those with pure hearts see God.

Be a peacemaker, for they shall be called sons of God.

You are blessed when you are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for the kingdom of heaven is yours.  Rejoice with the saints and prophets who also endured persecution, for you will inherit the same reward that they do. 

Will you be led by the Spirit?  Will you be like Jesus?  The harvest is here, but the workers are few.

Provide and Protect

Psalm 5:11-12

But let all who take refuge in you rejoice;
     let them ever sing for joy,
     and spread your protection over them,
     that those who love your name may exult in you.
For you bless the righteous, O Lord;
     you cover him with favor as with a shield.

            This past month God has showed me His provision and protection over myself, my family, and my Nicaragua team!  It’s been a wild ride with many joys and sorrows, but more than anything peace.  Through shortcomings and triumphs, I can declare that my God is greater than all things, especially myself.  Whatever state I’ve been in day-to-day God has been unwaveringly faithful to shelter me under His Word, His Spirit, the comfort and encouragement of friends and family, just to name a few.

            Let’s jump back three weeks to Monday, January 17^th.  In the early afternoon I received news that the entire trip cost (all $2200) had been covered with support from family and friends.  PRAISE GOD!!!  I nearly fell out of my chair because I had a long way to go just a few days prior.  I was riding on a cloud for a few hours until I got a call from my parents that sent my hurling back to earth.  My mom was diagnosed with Endometrial cancer (cancer of the Uterus).  The news was sobering to say the least.  It brought a myriad of questions and concerns into my view.  For as often as I heard about cancer in the years prior to this, I don’t think I ever once thought it would hit so close to home.  I began thinking, searching, praying.

            My mom has dwelt in the strong tower of the Lord through this whole ordeal, sometimes shaken but never knocked off the foundation.  That’s what has made Psalm 5:11-12 such a relevant passage to me – it’s been a banner for my mom.

            Last week my mom was scheduled for surgery on Wednesday, but that was pushed back to Friday due to rolling blackouts in the DFW area.  As few words as it takes to say that, it can’t communicate the stress of driving up to the hospital through icy conditions only to find out that we have to wait longer.  Friday came along and my mom endured a 3.5 hour surgery.  We waited.  Once the surgery was over the surgeon gave us good news, but told us it would still be a few hours before mom would be wheeled up to the room.  We all waited.

            That first night was a bad one.  As my mom struggled to rest in 8-10 minute increments, Kate, Dan, and I rushed home because the pipes had frozen and burst back home.  The first floor was soaked.  A family friend had caught it, relayed the news to us, and then proceeded to do damage control.  He worked so hard and it was a real blessing to see another instance of God providing someone to meet a need of our family.  Once again, words won’t describe all the questions and concerns that piled up as we tried to contemplate why the pipes would burst the same night that my mom was recovering from her surgery.  Here is the point of it all:  The good news FAR outweighed the bad news and it would have been a victory of the enemy if we let the bad news overshadow the good.  My mom’s surgery had gone better than we hoped and there was much to rejoice over!

            We spent the Saturday in the hospital while my dad took some time to figure out a plan for making the house habitable as quickly as possible.  People continued to show support for my mom and my mom continued to feel better.  Things were looking up and it seemed there was more good news around every corner.  Praise God!  There was a scare in the afternoon that my mom may have developed a blood clot in her leg, but a sonogram was able to show that it wasn’t a blood clot and it wasn’t long before the swelling began to subside.  More good news!  Back at home, my dad and a small crew of dedicated people did more work on the house in a few hours than I could have guessed.  He was exhausted and spent the night in the hospital.  Both my mom and dad were able to rest better that night than the previous night.

            Kate and I got to spend Sunday morning with my mom before we headed back to Norman.  My mom looked even better!  Now she’s out of the hospital and we’re hoping and praying for a full and quick recovery!  If you want more information, check out http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/carolcarlton.

            I’m psyched about this mission trip to Nicaragua.  It’s crazy that there’s only a little over a month until we depart.  I’m confident that God will do great things in the hearts of everyone that is connected to this trip – I hear and see amazing things being done already.  God is continuing to provide the finances for the trip.  If you feel led to support us on this trip, you can still do that and the money will go to our team members and then as a blessing to the host family who could really use the extra resources.  If you think this may be something the Lord has on your heart, pray about it and follow through.  Please be in prayer for this trip as we draw ever nearer.

God Bless.